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400.5 #334 DL Qual #1132 12-8-10 5:59PM
Serious questions: Relationships need trust to work, right? Well, what does it take for trust to work? I'm thinking communication is a big part but others seem to differ? Am I wrong? Lend me your wisdom! In the words of the famous and fab Butterlina, "and scene".
What kind of mistrust are we talking about here? - Calypso  813.0 #113 12-8-10 6:02PM Like  Reply
The obvious kind...boyfriend.  comments left on his facebook. Says he's changed but it's hard to believe when he gets defensive. Ends up not wanting to talk. - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 6:07PM Like  Reply
U should be able to talk to the person ur seeing and tell them anything! Trust comes with knowing that person will help you,not judge you, be there for you and support you. Unless there is a bigger reason for not trusting - MelB  104.8 #2979 12-8-10 6:07PM Like  Reply
 ? - Dave  8670.0 #2 12-8-10 6:08PM Like  Reply
If he's cheated before and has shady behavior still.. He'll only get shadier ... No pun intended, but there are too many (trustable)fish in the sea. - Calypso  813.0 #113 12-8-10 6:09PM Like  Reply
 - iFramedRogerRabbit  1956.2 #36 12-8-10 6:10PM Like  Reply
If he gets defensive then maybe he knows what he's doing and it's wrong! But you know guys it's hard to get them to talk. Maybe don't get angry and try to talk to him calmly. Tell him what's bothering you - MelB  104.8 #2979 12-8-10 6:11PM Like  Reply
Respect, honesty, and Love.. If not smack 'Em ;) and scene. - JPBee.  135.3 #2518 12-8-10 6:12PM Like  Reply
I'm not saying this happens to everyone, but in my experience if there are comments that make you uncomfortable and he is defensive, you have a good reason to be mistrustful. I've been there, it's not fun. Trust your gut and dont ignore the signs - Missshelly  690.3 #147 12-8-10 6:12PM Like  Reply
Talking from ALOT of experience... Defensiveness and claming up means guilt. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck..it's a duck. Go with your instincts they're usually correct - CMsMom  445.2 #277 12-8-10 6:15PM Like  Reply
Call Ryan Seacrest - JPBee.  135.3 #2518 12-8-10 6:17PM Like  Reply
What's ? - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 6:19PM Like  Reply
In my experience if they did it once they will do it twice and on and on until you just can't take anymore!! Life is too short to be an option, someday I want to be the princess!! - Itsallabouteeyore  30.6 #4352 12-8-10 6:26PM Like  Reply
Trust and communication are very key. I could go on and on and on, on realashionship stuff. But if he has cheated before and is showing signs again---then he's not worthy of you and you don't need the stress. Relationships can be fun, easy and have trust. And, no matter what you do, you will never be able to change someone and you shouldn't want to have to "fix" someone anyway... - Sweet_Irish_Cream  2586.6 #21 12-8-10 6:32PM Like  Reply
 - PrincessCarmen  2579.5 #22 12-8-10 6:35PM Like  Reply
I totally agree with SIC!!! You should be with someone who makes your life better not someone who complicates it. - Goofygirl10  30.4 #4363 12-8-10 6:38PM Like  Reply
If they cheat once then they'll do it again, trust me. I was with a guy for 3 years and he cheated and swore it would never happen again and it did. You owe it to yourself to be with someone you don't have to question and someone that respects you enough to be faithful. - michelIe  422.1 #302 12-8-10 6:40PM Like  Reply
That he changed or cheated? - cnswaldow  142.1 #2411 12-8-10 6:41PM Like  Reply
No matter what you have to respect yourself. Look out for your best I interests. How would he feel if there were comments left on your FB page that insinuated something more mischievous? - gratefull  32.1 #4279 12-8-10 6:42PM Like  Reply
What comments did he make? - OynnhoJ  92.5 #3117 12-8-10 6:45PM Like  Reply
honestly, I think you already know the answer. trust and communication are the main ingredients to this dish, w/out them it's all bad. spare yourself the hurt and do what your heart is telling you. big hugs to you. - mochamistie  272.8 #804 12-8-10 6:46PM Like  Reply
Communication is HUGE and so is being accountable for your actions whether they are good or bad! But coming clean honestly about things only makes your bond together stronger!!! - WickedWench  576.2 #191 12-8-10 6:47PM Like  Reply
Dump that zero, and get yourself a hero! - Tom  3881.0 #7 12-8-10 6:53PM Like  Reply
I keep trying to convince myself that I'm the one who's being irrational by asking questions about these late night texts and calls from girls that I don't know and that I should be trusting him because he's changed, but I can't help thinking that I'll be screwed over again by believing him. All these little calls and texts and messages are small, yes but if they're so small then why can't we discuss? I've never given him reason to not trust me because I'm always open with him. On top of that, he's lied time and time again. i just don't know why i deserve this. I'm sorry...vent over. Its just easier to talk to you guys rather than my close friends because they'll pass judgement either way in a heartbeat. - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 9:35PM Like  Reply
Calls, texts, messages aren't even the worst part. There's a lot more, but I don't want to get into details... - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 9:37PM Like  Reply
Gotta go with your gut feeling. Works every time. - DesperateMousewife  873.8 #104 12-8-10 9:37PM Like  Reply
Offtopic, but coopballs is my new favorite poster. That was fantastic.  - John  312.0 #549 12-8-10 9:39PM Like  Reply
DMW summed it up perfectly. - tina  1154.7 #70 12-8-10 9:39PM Like  Reply
was there sexting involved? - Dave  8670.0 #2 12-8-10 9:41PM Like  Reply
LPS, I dealt with the same exact thing for almost 5 years. People dont change if they don't want to. Ask yourself, in 5 years do I want to look back and regret the decisions I made? Trust your intuition even if it involves giving up everything you know. Remember, it's YOUR life. Live it to the fullest with no regrets. - ERICKA  491.4 #244 12-8-10 9:44PM Like  Reply
No clue. Not the type to check his phone, but i did catch him with a girl at his house in his room with no one home. And this is what really has screwed me over royally. I've found little writings on his class notes saying things like X loves my boyfriend's name. And coopballs, that wont work for me...he's a nurse  - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 9:46PM Like  Reply
Girllllll check his phone!  - WickedWench  576.2 #191 12-8-10 9:47PM Like  Reply
Phone calls at 2 am about 'school'. - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 9:48PM Like  Reply
If you have to check his phone, sneak through his emails, etc.. then there is no trust left. You will be constantly doubting him, whether he is right or wrong. - LisaKL  748.4 #135 12-8-10 9:51PM Like  Reply
If you can't trust him for any reason, you will be torturing yourself with " I wonder" questions. - ERICKA  491.4 #244 12-8-10 9:53PM Like  Reply
I almost wish I would've lost trust that way rather than the way I did. - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 9:54PM Like  Reply
Been down this road before. Let me guess...your the one who ends up feeling bad when you ask a reasonable question at 2am...if he's turning it around and not answering his phone making it seem like your paranoid...then yeah...he's a dirt bag. - Ladystrac  438.6 #283 12-8-10 9:55PM Like  Reply
How long have u been together? Let me tell you about a story about a very naive girl, she fell in love with a very strong older army man, and during their first year together when he left the room, she would see those late night texts, phone calls, myspace comments, and messages. After much accusing and him lying saying he would never do it again because she was his first love and wanted to spend the rest of their life together, she stayed with him because she loved him so much. For 3 years they stayed together, and many many times she would find a new number or weird phone calls, but like every man he kept denying and making everything better with a new piece of jelrwey or a romantic evening.  Fast forward to febuary of 2010 she finds out she's pregnant, and that once again he's cheating, leaves on a trip to Colorado ("for work") to see her comes home march 16 and breaks up with his gf to be with her. She then has a miscarriage and is completely left heartbroken. The ex boyfriend is now in Iraq and married to the woman he cheated on his quote "first love" with. I'm telling u this because I'd hate to see someone go through what I did. I'm better without him, and I know u will be too. As much as it hurts every woman deserves an honest faithful man, and if u have a gut feeling he's creeping go with it and break up with him. U will find your true love and price charming. No woman deserves to be hurt like this. And when a man says he's changed, he's lying.  - TiffyMarie  301.2 #606 12-8-10 10:00PM Like  Reply
I used to sugar coat advice to spare peoples feelings but I think you need a good dose of tough love... It's time to leave him. There are sooooooo many more guys out there who deserve what you have to offer in the relationship. And you do not deserve to be treated this way. Happiness is just around the corner, but only YOU can take the steps to get there. I'll be cheering you on the whole way. - MingyMouse  35.5 #4160 12-8-10 10:00PM Like  Reply
Spot on lady. I keep falling for the same tricks. - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 10:00PM Like  Reply
He's my high school sweetheart. 2 years older than me. And we've been together since I was 16. - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 10:03PM Like  Reply
There's just been a study done that says that 1 in 5 divorces are caused by facebook. I bet that the bf, gf breakkup ratio is even higher... - BuccanEAR  282.7 #715 12-8-10 10:03PM Like  Reply
He was mine to. :'( we deserve better girl! - TiffyMarie  301.2 #606 12-8-10 10:04PM Like  Reply
Trust me on this- from past experience... If you have a gut feeling about something, you're probably right. Even if he is being faithful & those girls are platonic, as your significant other, he should respect you and your feelings and communicate with you - TickledTink  352.8 #408 12-8-10 10:05PM Like  Reply
Tiffymarie, you just made me cry like a big baby. I'm so sorry you had to go through that...it's hard to put my feelings out there too because I always know that someone else out there has it worse than I do and that I should stop complaining. - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 10:07PM Like  Reply
I was engaged to mine... Thank goodness I walked away. We bought a house together, only for me to find out he had another gf, and she moved in to the house WE had bought! Plenty more out there for you. You deserve so much better. - ERICKA  491.4 #244 12-8-10 10:08PM Like  Reply
Wow. Tiffymarie, you are my hero. LPS, you're beautiful and so young. There are honest guys out there and from what it sounds like, your boyfriend is not one of them. You deserve better. - tina  1154.7 #70 12-8-10 10:10PM Like  Reply
My Dear sweet LaPetite: I will share with you what I believe in...and laugh all you want. I don't mind. Here goes.....We logically tend to think with our heads. But thinking too much screws us up. So we look lsewhere. Then you start to feel like following your heart. It seems to make sense, but something still doesn't seem right. So.....Like others have said....gut feeling. It doesn't lie to you. You already know what to do but it's not surfacing yet. It's still locked in there for some reason. Gotta find the key. As for myself, we've had our ups and downs. It happens. I actually think that if there are no ups and downs and now working on things that somethings terribly wrong. Another thing to contemplate.....Do you give 100% and take 0%? and can the same be said for him? Do you make each other laugh? Do you constantly learn form each other? I'll also throw this one out there......I don't know what you feel or suspect, and nor do I want to. It's your thing to work on. It's your lesson to learn. It may even be that his actions remind you of what you do not want to be. Ok I'll shut up now. and P.S. coop! LOL Makes sense. Love it! To all I say be well. Don't settle for being normal or average....Be Optimal. - Butterlina  1307.8 #62 12-8-10 10:12PM Like  Reply
Thanks tiffymarie, it takes a lot of guts to look past the bad things and it's so easy to wish things are good. Thank you for sharing your story. I know that deep down feeling when you know it's not ok but you pretend it is. LPS, you can lean on us anytime. Lots of us have been there, and lots have yet to be there. But thanks to you, we all know that we can bond together and be strong. - ERICKA  491.4 #244 12-8-10 10:15PM Like  Reply
Lol it made me cry just writing it!  but I can promise u it gets better, with the support I received from mousewait and my family and friends I'm over him, there's times I wish I woulda let go a long time ago, because I woulda never thought it would end up the way it did. But it only got worste. And guess what? He's doing the same thing to his fiance. Men never change, let somone else deal with the cheating. It's time u find somone that loves u way to much to do that to you - TiffyMarie  301.2 #606 12-8-10 10:15PM Like  Reply
You all have made me into a soggy mess in the best way possible. Thank you so much. I don't think I could've gotten such a valuable response anywhere in the world except for here. Tiffymarie, ericka, butter, tina, tickledtink, everyone...thank you. - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 10:24PM Like  Reply
You will be fine. You will come to a decision if needed when the world is ready for it. It may come to you as a very random thing. A song on the radio. A billboard. Something you observe at the bookstore. You will know. and you will be fine. - Butterlina  1307.8 #62 12-8-10 10:28PM Like  Reply
Okay, I will try to catch some zzzz. I'm pretty sure I will resemble a plump asian baby tomorrow morning. My eyes were like water cannons tonight. Thank you  good night everyone. - LaPetiteSirene  400.5 #334 12-8-10 10:28PM Like  Reply
Hang in there and be strong...you always have MouseWait and such a great support system here - Dave  8670.0 #2 12-8-10 10:30PM Like  Reply
Rest well. You are LURVED and you know it. - Butterlina  1307.8 #62 12-8-10 10:30PM Like  Reply
If he's truly innocent, he won't mind showing you everything. If he's hiding things and accusing you, there's reason to not trust him. Found out 2 years ago that my husband was having an emotional(later physical) affair with a teenager he barely knew. He left me to be with her. Since then, we're in the middle of a divorce, and she left him after barely a year together. When she did that, he came looking for compassion from me (and my now boyfriend). Needless to say, I laughed at him. He was cheating on me on our 3 year anniversary. Always follow your gut. It's not called women's intuition for nothing.. But everything will get better. - ministrychick77  276.1 #767 12-8-10 11:01PM Like  Reply
nighty night LPS, tomorrow is another day. the past is dead yesterday, and tomorrow brings the birth of a new beginning. :) - ERICKA  491.4 #244 12-8-10 11:08PM Like  Reply
I just want to give all my mw ladies a big hug. we live and learn from our mistakes and the heart heals. I'm lps could confide in us. hang in there sweetie - mochamistie  272.8 #804 12-8-10 11:32PM Like  Reply
I really dont know how to comment on this. I have been married for 17 years. we have ups and downs like anyone else. I am 100% open, she know every thought good and bad. Talking is the most important thing you can do with a partner. NO talk=No trust. - GoofyJoe  1864.2 #41 12-9-10 7:45AM Like  Reply
I almost feel like if it doesn't feel like it's working then it's not. I know that sounds simple but when you're with the right person you know. Doesn't mean you don't have to work things out but it shouldn't be constant drama. - LillyBelle  77.1 #3324 12-9-10 7:52AM Like  Reply

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